Saturday, January 29, 2011

More Pages in the Lynnea Book

Ashlyn decided to color a couple more pictures for in her Lynnea Book this week.  This is what she told me to write about this picture in her book: "This is a picture of me and Lynnea watching Little Einsteins together.  Lynnea liked Rocket the best.  We both liked the "pat, pat -- blast off!" part."
For this picture, Ashlyn told me to write: "This is Lynnea playing with her baby doll.  She liked to make it rattle.  She liked to give it hugs."  
Ashlyn added heart stickers to both of her pictures "because hearts mean 'I love you' and Lynnea loved me."  I think she has been missing her sister a lot lately; we all have.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Don't Underestimate Her

I don't know if I keep setting my expectations too low, but Ashlyn keeps exceeding my expectations of her.  Maybe I just don't want to admit that she is as "grown up" as she is.  This week there have been several moments where she has surprised me with her abilities.  All week she has been requesting to play Wii Fit Plus by herself.  She has her own Mii and I've been letting her play whichever games or exercises or yoga poses that she chooses too, even though I don't expect her to be able to do many of them successfully.  Well, it turns out that she's a whole lot better at many of them than I ever would have thought she would be.  It has been a lot of fun to see how proud of herself she is when she is able to complete these activities.  She has also been very excited about doing jigsaw puzzles this week.  I keep thinking that she's going to need my help with some of them, but she easily completes the 24 piece puzzles unassisted.  She completed one yesterday and asked me to come see it when she had finished; when I saw it, I told her that she was getting so grown up to be able to do puzzles all by herself.  Her response was, "yeah, and I'm really smart too.  That's why I can do all these puzzles by myself."  Ah, I love the humility.

Friday, January 14, 2011

Moose and Muffins

Last night Ashlyn and I went with Grandma and Grandpa to another HopeKids event.  We went to see the play If You Give a Moose a Muffin at Stages Theater in Hopkins.  It was a lot of fun.  Ashlyn was on the edge of her seat loving every minute of it.  Today we baked some muffins of our own, but she and I agreed that we probably shouldn't share them with any moose.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Enjoying Christmas Gifts

Ashlyn has had a lot of fun playing with all of the new toys that she received as Christmas gifts.  She has been busy dressing up in her new dress-up clothes, she has been coloring with her new art supplies, and she has been playing with her new dollhouse a lot.  It is good to see her having fun with all of her new things.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Six Months

Yesterday was six months since Lynnea died (I tried to update last night, but Blogger wouldn't let me).  As a family we are moving forward with our lives even without her here (I prefer the phrase "moving forward" to "moving on").  We've managed to create a comfortable daily routine, and most of the time things are pretty good.  There are still some really tough moments as reminders of what we lost hits hard.  Earlier this week I finally went ahead and put Lynnea's clothes into boxes and put them away.  It was difficult to see the outfits that she had worn during her last month at home and remember how much fun we had together, and the ones that she had worn in the hospital that had been modified to accommodate her IVs and remember how much suffering she went through, but even harder to see the brand new ones with tags still hanging on them because she hadn't grown into them yet.  But, ultimately, they're just clothes; whether they are hanging in the closet, sitting in a laundry basket in the living room, or folded up in boxes, doesn't change the fact that she will never wear them again because she doesn't need them anymore.  Whatever she's wearing in heaven is probably far cuter (and stain resistant) than anything she ever wore here. 

It's starting to hit Ashlyn that Lynnea really isn't coming back.  She burst into tears the other day because she "would never get to play with Lynnea on earth again."  Forever is starting to feel like a really long time.  She is also beginning to try to come to terms with her role as a sister.  She tried to tell me the other day that she used to be a sister, but now she's not a sister anymore because her sister isn't alive.  I tried to explain to her that she will always be a sister, even though Lynnea is gone.  She didn't believe me, and I didn't feel like arguing with her about it, but hopefully, she will eventually understand that being a sister is a permanent thing.

Saturday, January 1, 2011

New Year

"And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us."  Romans 5:5

We enter into this new year remembering that there is always a reason to have hope, no matter what life brings.