The Last "Break Even" Day

Lynnea spent the majority of the first few months of her life in the hospital.  During that time, we were often sent home from the hospital only to return a few days later because Lynnea was not healthy enough to handle living at home.  During one of those early stays, a nurse assured me that eventually Lynnea would be able to spend more time at home than in the hospital.  It was then that I started to keep track of how many days Lynnea was in the hospital and how many days she spent at home, always looking forward to the "break even" day when the number of days at home equaled the number of days in the hospital.

At the time, I really thought that there would only be one "break even" day -- that once she managed to have more days at home than in the hospital, that would be how things would always stay.  Of course, with Lynnea, that's not how things were; the next time she had a "break even" day it was when she was in the hospital with no discharge date in sight, which meant that she was again on her way to spending more of her life in the hospital than at home.  The doctors and nurses at the hospital who knew me well knew that I kept track of these things, and I would often point out during rounds when it was a "break even" day in order to remind everyone how badly I wanted to take her home.  Throughout her life she ended up having several "break even" days; if they happened when she was at home it was a day to celebrate, if they happened when she was in the hospital it was often a day of discouragement. 

Today is "break even" day.  It has been 612 days since Lynnea died, so today the number of days that she spent on earth equal the number of days she has spent in heaven.  This is the last time she will ever have a "break even" day.  Happy "break even" day, Lynnea.