Yesterday was six months since Lynnea died (I tried to update last night, but Blogger wouldn't let me). As a family we are moving forward with our lives even without her here (I prefer the phrase "moving forward" to "moving on"). We've managed to create a comfortable daily routine, and most of the time things are pretty good. There are still some really tough moments as reminders of what we lost hits hard. Earlier this week I finally went ahead and put Lynnea's clothes into boxes and put them away. It was difficult to see the outfits that she had worn during her last month at home and remember how much fun we had together, and the ones that she had worn in the hospital that had been modified to accommodate her IVs and remember how much suffering she went through, but even harder to see the brand new ones with tags still hanging on them because she hadn't grown into them yet. But, ultimately, they're just clothes; whether they are hanging in the closet, sitting in a laundry basket in the living room, or folded up in boxes, doesn't change the fact that she will never wear them again because she doesn't need them anymore. Whatever she's wearing in heaven is probably far cuter (and stain resistant) than anything she ever wore here.
It's starting to hit Ashlyn that Lynnea really isn't coming back. She burst into tears the other day because she "would never get to play with Lynnea on earth again." Forever is starting to feel like a really long time. She is also beginning to try to come to terms with her role as a sister. She tried to tell me the other day that she used to be a sister, but now she's not a sister anymore because her sister isn't alive. I tried to explain to her that she will always be a sister, even though Lynnea is gone. She didn't believe me, and I didn't feel like arguing with her about it, but hopefully, she will eventually understand that being a sister is a permanent thing.
